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The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns, then your marriage is a gift from the gods.
-- Bill Cosby

The best proof of love is trust.
-- Joyce Brothers

If we are together nothing is impossible.
--Winston Churchill

 


How do you counsel couples?


Difficulties in partnership cause heart-ache, loneliness and poor health. Positive relationships result in joy, productivity and positive community. When working with couples, my intention is to help both partners express themselves fully, to expand on what is already working well in the relationship, and to foster renewed compassion and connection.

My approach to couples counseling blends techniques derived from Dr. John Gottman's research on the 'sound marital house' and Susan Johnson's emotionally focused couples therapy, both of which have been scientifically validated as effective methods for improving partnerships. In addition, I can incorporate EMDR into couples counseling, which can help resolve issues from childhood or prior relationships that interfere with life now.

Our behaviors in partnership sometimes get constricted. For example, one person may feel like they are always pursuing the other person. In time the pursuer may feel lonely, get angry and critical, or despair that anything will ever change. The other partner may feel overwhelmed, and retreat further to avoid being hurt or expose their feelings. We adopt certain styles of interaction that make sense, even if they are ultimately work against our own happiness.

No matter what role we find ourselves adopting, we all need love, safety and acceptance. At one time, love and safety is what we wanted to give our partner the most. While it can be scary to set down our self-protective habits, a world of greater happiness and fulfillment awaits.